Crazy Annie
by clovexoxocato
Summary: After Finnick dies, Annie is left all alone. How will she cope? A short one-shot describing her reaction to his death, as well as her efforts to move on. Inspired by the poem "Crossing the Bar" by Tennyson.


**Hey! So I was studying the poem 'Crossing the Bar' by Tennyson in English class, and I had a sudden inspiration to write this ****fanfic. This poem is just so relevant to Finnick and Annie, as it compares death to the ocean and going on a journey, which is probably how they viewed it in District Four. It's Annie trying to cope with Finnick's death, but not really succeeding. I purposefully tried to make it jump around and really jumbled up, with a mixture of short and long sentences, to reflect Annie's confused mental state. I also had her talking to herself at some points, and Finnick at other points, and so you're not really sure who she's talking to, which further emphasises her "craziness" (I hope!). Anyway, just for reference, I included the character 'Kai' as Annie's district partner during her Games, who got beheaded in front of her (which explains hopefully why she keeps talking about his head!)**

**I hope you enjoy this :) (And I don't own the Hunger Games or Crossing the Bar)**

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_Sunset and evening star,_  
_ And one clear call for me!_  
_And may there be no moaning of the bar,_  
_ When I put out to sea,_

_But such a tide as moving seems asleep,_  
_ Too full for sound and foam,_  
_When that which drew from out the boundless deep_  
_ Turns again home._

_Twilight and evening bell,_  
_And after that the dark!_  
_And may there be no sadness of farewell,_  
_ When I embark;_

_For tho' from out our bourne of Time and Place_  
_ The flood may bear me far,_  
_I hope to see my Pilot face to face_  
_ When I have crost the bar._

_ ~Alfred, Lord Tennyson_

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They told me last week. He isn't coming back. Not now, not ever. My Finnick is never ever going to come back. He will no longer hold my hand and never let go, or kiss my lips, or pull me from the shadowy depths of my mind. No one else will be able to save me like Finnick can. He is all I have, and all I am, and he is the only one who can understand what I am seeing and who can bring me back. How can I explain to anyone else that every time I see Johanna with her axe, all I can think of is Kai? Dead. Without a head. He's not here. Finnick's not here. No one's here, apart from me. Crazy Annie. I don't feel crazy, but no one else acts like me. No one else hears the whispers of dead tributes in the air. No one else cries every night, sobbing for Kai and his missing head. Apart from Johanna. She cried too, when we found out. Not in front of Coin, but later, when she was alone. I always thought that she was the strong one, but maybe even the strongest can break. Like his body, broken by the mutts.

Your funeral was so beautiful, Finnick. It was in our cove, our special place, back home in District 4. There were shells and beautiful braided seaweed, and I wore the same dress I wore for our wedding. When it was my turn to speak, I said the first word, and then saw our names carved into the rocky cliff. I couldn't continue, and I let Johanna pull me away. I've visited that cove every day. Some people say its better to forget, but I don't want to. I want to remember your smile, your laugh, your eyes.

By now, I am curled into a ball, my hands wrapped protectively around our growing baby. I don't care about the tears. They were falling long ago. I found out yesterday that it's a girl. Maybe she'll have his beautiful eyes. I wonder what would have happened if I had told Finnick I was pregnant before he left for the Capitol. He would have stayed, to protect his baby.

I don't know how I can do this alone. Every time I see my child, I know she will remind me of her father. I'm not sure how that will affect me. Will I be grateful to see Finnick's eyes again, or will I simply dissolve into grief. I hope our baby can grow up happy, in a world without the Games, although I don't understand how she could ever be happy without a father. I only wish he could be there, to give her swimming lessons for the first time, or to lead her to the altar on her wedding day. But that will never happen. And so I am left to move on, or at least try to. I remember you used to tell me, when I woke screaming from my nightmares, that it takes ten times as long to put yourself back together as it does to fall apart. So I won't let that happen. I'll keep holding on, even if it's just barely.

Goodbye, Finnick. I love you.

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**I hope you liked this, and thank you so much for taking the time to read it. I really appreciate it! Let me know what you thought in a review :) **


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